Monday, 2 May 2011


Personally, I hate them.  These admittedly tiny monsters scuttle out of the darkness and make me scream in a way that belies my otherwise tough, manly personae.  I would be quite happy if all of them could be gathered up and tossed onto the surface of the Sun.  This may make us vulnerable to a surge in the fly population, but it's a risk I'm prepared to take, who's with me?

But, I suppose I should at least be grateful that here on Earth, where I spend the vast majority of my time, spiders do not have any say in local or national Government.  So spare a thought for the unhappy human denizens of Metebelis III.  Not only is there a massive trend towards blue, they are firmly under the foreleg of a race of giant, bitchy spiders that are telepathic, can shoot lightning bolts, and are so lazy they ride their human subjects like Blackpool donkeys.

Enter The Doctor.  On a previous visit to Metebelis III he decided to steal a chunky blue crystal, which made an excellent wedding present for Jo Grant, and unlike a toaster, coupled as a tool to aid in Universal Domination! It turns out that the lazy Eight Legs (don't call them spiders, I did once, but I think I got away with it) are quite keen on a bit of domination and decide to get it back! 

Thus begins a creepy, life changing experience for the Doctor in which we learn that Eight Legs do not make fetching backpacks, a flying car is not as good as a flying box, the TARDIS really is a sentimental old thing and that frilly shirts are cool.  Well, maybe not the last one.

It's called Planet of the Spiders, and it's out NOW on DVD.

Article by @MrJayLucas

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